Question:
One of my best friends recently confided in me that he
and his girlfriend had an abortion about a year ago. He
said that things didn't turn out as they had expected.
They have broken up, he can't seem to keep a steady
job, and he says he has trouble sleeping. Is this a
normal reaction for a man, and how can I help him
through this time?
Answer:
Unfortunately, not only have men been conditioned not
to show their emotions, our society is not sympathetic
to abortion survivors in general. Men receive the brunt
of the blow by being practically invisible in this triangle,
because abortion is still seen as an issue relating only to
women. Most men and women report an initial feeling
of relief, followed by a period psychiatrists identify as
emotional paralysis, or post abortion numbness. Men
who eventually sought counseling reported increased
difficulty with anger, problems with forming trusting
relationships, depression, sleep disorders, risk-taking,
panic attacks, addictions, difficulty bonding with
children, and feelings of suicide.
Here are a few ways to be a help to your friend:
1. Be a good listener. Allow him to ventilate and
share as much of the experience as he wants to.
2. Give him permission to grieve. Men need to
understand that they are first human, second a
man, and tears are God-given and healthy. They
need to be able to admit they too have lost
someone who would be special to them.
3. Don't condemn him for making a bad or immoral
choice. We all sin and make bad choices.
Encourage him to accept God's forgiveness, and
not to blame others for the abortion.
4. Allow him to regret his choice if he was involved in
the decision. We all learn from our mistakes, and
many times are stronger on the other side.
5. Remind him that his baby is with his Heavenly
Father now. One day he can be reunited with his
child when he can ask for and receive his
forgiveness.
For further help, or a free telephone consult you can
contact our caring professionals at The Rice Clinic.
Answered by: Dr. Robert Rice.